


Fantasy Netflix and Chill

by Enterprisingly



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Post Episode 54, Fluff, Gleeful Anachronism, Humor, M/M, Romance, talking it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9374552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enterprisingly/pseuds/Enterprisingly
Summary: So like, Taako is a normal dude, right? Just your normal, extraordinarily powerful, supremely handsome, magic-umbrella-wielding elf who works for a secret (maybe evil?) organization that is definitely either going to save the world or snap it in half.Totally normal. Which is why it’s really annoying that he can’t find anyone on this gods forsaken moonbase to spend a normal afternoon with. Sometimes a guy just wants to hang out and like… not talk about the end of the universe or this goddamn hell-quest that he has found himself on. Sometimes an average, normal dude just want someone to Netflix and Chill with. The fact that he’s not exactly sure what Netflix is doesn’t really change this at all.(Or: Taako's Guide To Fantasy Romance – how to booty call the Grim Reaper for fun and profit!)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I blazed through all of the Adventure Zone recently while I was working and holy shit I was not expecting to love it as much as I do? I had a little free time today and I banged this out instead of working on my Critical Role fic because Taako is a fucking gift and I just want to see him happy. 
> 
> Story Notes:  
> Please don't ask me how TV works in this universe, okay? I have no idea, just go with it and we'll all be so much happier. Also this assumes that everyone made is through The Suffering Game (mostly) in one piece and I'm being intentionally handwavey about that because that's not the point of this story.
> 
> This is unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

So like, Taako is a normal dude, right? Just your normal, extraordinarily powerful, supremely handsome, magic-umbrella-wielding elf who works for a secret (maybe evil?) organization that is _definitely_ either going to save the world or snap it in half.

Totally normal. Which is why it’s really fucking annoying that he can’t find anyone on this gods forsaken moonbase to spend a normal afternoon with. Sometimes a guy just wants to hang out and like… _not_ talk about the end of the universe or this goddamn hell-quest that he has found himself on. Sometimes an average, normal dude just want someone to Netflix and Chill with. The fact that he’s not exactly sure what Netflix is doesn’t really change this at all.

Contrary to popular belief, Taako does not have unlimited energy, he does get tired and kind of fucked up by some of the shit that he’s been through, and yes, like the rest of the mere mortals he’s surrounded by, he does actually need to relax sometimes.

Choice numero uno would normally be Magnus, but he is unfortunately out of the running right now. Magnus, who operates at a weirdness level of about 150% on an average day, has somehow gotten weirder since they got back from Refuge and impossibly weirder still since their whole fucking nightmare trip through Wonderland. He oscillates wildly between childlike enthusiasm, bouts of intense and scary moodiness (that totally harshes Taako’s vibe), and some sort of strange attempt to act his new (and much increased) age. This mostly comes in the form of him doling out advice that begins with ‘when I was your age’ (Taako, who is an elf and is easily twice Magnus’s age just _can’t_ with this) and making really terrible jokes.

Angus is a sweet (irritating) little nerd; always eager to learn (the fucking brown noser) and so smart ( _god_ just admitting that to himself gives Taako a wicked headache) that just being around him can be exhausting at the best of times, when he’s got the energy to torment the kid properly, and no fun at all when he doesn’t.

The director is out because like… no one actually wants to hang out with their boss, let’s be real. Avi is out because he’s _always_ busy (Taako thinks he could chill with that dude if he were like… _ever_ off duty, but nope), Killian and Carey both think that there’s nothing more relaxing than a vigorous workout (no thanks, not on Taako’s life), and that basically leaves Merle… who might be an option, if he wasn’t such an endless negative nancy these days.

Again, Taako is looking to get his zen on here, not to be someone’s therapist. There is not enough gold on this moon to convince him to listen to someone else’s problems for hours on end.

Which is how he finds himself, sitting out on the quad, leaning against a weird mysterious moon-tree, running his fingers though the astroturf, thinking about Kravitz. He kind of maybe thinks about Kravitz a lot, so that’s not really unusual, but it dawns on him that thinking is basically all he’s done in a long while, which just doesn’t seem quite right.

It’s been a couple of months since they had their maybe-a-date at the Chug ‘n’ Squeeze, and they've both been super busy, meaning that Taako has only since Kravitz once since then – not really something he wants to think about right now as it involves him being _fucking dead AGAIN_ and Kravitz acting like a really pissed off mother hen. So Taako kind of misses him, or whatever. It’s a little weird because they’ve really only spent a handful of hours together peacefully, but Taako knows what he likes.

Kravitz, when he’s not either trying to murder or save Taako while screaming at him, is a pretty chill dude. Which is exactly what Taako could really use right now. True, Kravitz had given him a direct line to his stone of far-speech, but there had been sort of an implicit _for-emergencies-and-serious-talks-only_ clause that went along with that, even if they are… maybe dating or whatever they're doing now.

Thankfully Taako is not really the kind of elf who cares about that stuff too much. He’s been far more reckless with far more dangerous things. Case in point, he keeps a legendary sword around to use as statement jewelry.

So he reaches into the neckline of his flowy salmon shirt and fishes out his stone of far-speech. It winks at him in the weird distant sunlight as it dangles on it's golden chain.

“Yo, Krav my man, you around?” He calls into the stone, tone carefully lazy; it won’t do to seem too eager, especially because he’s a little miffed that Kravitz hasn’t called since the whole Rescuing His Dead Ass From The Brink thing.

There’s no response from the stone for a long minute and Taako sighs. It’s gonna suck if the Reaper is off doing Reaper things, or whatever, and Taako has just wasted his precious breath talking to his silent necklace like a dipshit.

He’s just about to tuck the stone away when there’s a small static pop and he hears Kravitz voice on the other line, sounding breathless (weird, because as far as Taako can tell, the dude doesn’t really breathe), and a bit panicked.

“Taako? Is everything okay?” He says in a rush.

Taako grins. “Yeah, yeah comme ci, comme ça, compadre. How’s the afterlife treating you?”

Kravitz makes a sound like a lot of air being let out of a balloon. “You scared the hell out of me. I thought you were in trouble.”

“Pft. That makes it sound like I only call you when the world is ending,” He says, feigning hurt.

“You absolutely do,” Kravitz says.

“Not true!” Taako says, “I also sometimes call you so we can talk about whether or not you’re gonna kill me and my friends and steal our souls.”

“Taako… did you just call me to stress me out or is there another point to this?” Kravitz says in a strained voice, and Taako can practically _hear_ him pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

A small smile starts to spread across Taako’s face. He feels like… a _little_ bad about riling Kravitz up, but a leopard can’t change it’s stripes or however the saying goes. He does decide to take some pity on the man though; it is pretty sweet how worried he sounded about Taako’s safety and all that.

“Relax, handsome, I’m just playin’. This is actually a social call. Unless you’re like… super busy,” Taako says, leaning further back into the tree and cradling the stone in his palm.

There’s a brief pause and when Kravitz replies he sounds both surprised and maybe even a little bit hopeful.

“No, I mean, I’m not particularly busy right now. I’m guessing you boys are back on your base because things have been fairly quiet, all things considered, out in the world lately.” The hint of a tease in the last sentence pushes the smile into a full blown grin.

“Got it in one, my man. And let me tell you, it’s boring as tits here! I’d just about _kill_ for some company, right now.” Emphasis definitely intended; Reaper jokes are low hanging fruit and who is Taako to resist? “There’s this super awesome couch in one of the rec-rooms that is like _way_ too big for one person, and I figured out that I can totally pick up cable on one of the big scrying walls but like, come on, who even watches TV alone, right?”

Kravitz clears his throat. “I mean, I could possibly slip away for a while. I don’t have any important reapings on my schedule for the next few hours, if, uh, that is… you are asking me to come?”

Poor, awkward Kravitz; Istus, or the Raven Queen, or hell, the fucking _Void Fish_ bless him. That whole suave man of mystery, Envoy of Death thing he does is all a big act and Taako is so damn _eager_ to pull the curtains as far back as he can and explore every last bit of what lies behind.

“I mean it took you long enough to take the hint. I was beginning to think I was going to have to send you an engraved invitation,” Taako says, “One condition though, bubala; dress code is explicitly fabulous-casual. No suits or reaper robes allowed in the Netflix and Chill zone.”

Kravitz sighs, chuckles slightly, and sighs again. “Do I even want to ask what Netflix is?”

“One of the great mysteries of life, my man,” Taako says airily.

“Ah, of course. Give me five minutes and I’ll be over,” Kravitz says, and the stone goes quiet.

Taako takes a quick second to mentally high five himself on the success of his brilliant plan, then realizes he has to get all the way across the base, and arrange himself in an appropriately casual-yet-seductive sprawl in the rec-room in less than five minutes, and takes off across the campus.

The rec-room at the back of the Residential Dome is eternally deserted. It’s probably because it’s kind of small and out of the way, and there are two bigger, flashier ones that are closer to the communal living quarters.

This one might not have a foosball table, or a magical drink dispenser that can make anything you’d like, so long as it’s non-alcoholic, and non-toxic, but it does have the most comfortable sofa that Taako has found anywhere in the BoB. It’s actually more of a loveseat than a sofa and he might have fudged the details a little when he told Kravitz that it was too big, but he really just can’t find it in his heart to feel too guilty about this. The sofa is covered in well worn velvet in a lurid shade of pastel pink which Taako _loves_ , and it’s accompanied by an aged coffee table that separates it from the scrying wall on the other side of the room.

He can’t actually take credit for figuring out how to pick up Cable on the scrying wall with a little bit of improper magic usage. That particular gem has been in operation since before Taako had come to the bureau, put into place by some other crafty soul. His first bet is some long dead member of the bureau because this place is literally _always_ fucking empty – like he’s never seen hide, scale, nor hair of anyone else anywhere near it. Baring that, he's fairly certain that this is the work of the Director, who strikes him a the sort of person who would enjoy a good cop drama.

Either way, Taako is more than happy to take advantage of this set up. He is nothing if not an opportunist through and through.

Miraculously, he manages to avoid having to interact with any of his friends or co-workers on the way. There was a near miss with Magnus, but that was averted by ducking behind a fucking ugly statue and waiting ‘til he had passed. As usual the room is empty when he arrives, and he spends his remaining time arranging himself on the sofa for maximum effect. He’s not like… hoping to get laid today, not that he would say no, he really does just want to watch some fucking magic TV and get a good solid snuggle on, but like… he also has an image to uphold here; too hot to handle, too cool to care.

It takes a bit of wriggling and scooting to get himself into a position that he feels conveys the correct message. He’s sprawled artfully against one arm of the sofa: legs crossed and outstretched, pale blue skirt arranged just so – displaying his knees in their best light. His shoes and hat have been abandoned, leaving him barefoot (sparkly green nail polish glinting in the low light of the room) and bareheaded.

As soon as he has finished fidgeting, there's a small pop as a rift in the plane appears and Kravitz steps through.

Taako grins.

“Hello,” Kravitz says, once both of his feet are firmly in the material plane, and he shifts, looking a little unsure of what exactly he is supposed to do next.

“Hey stud; so this is fabulous-casual to you, huh?” Taako says by way of greeting.

Kravitz flounders a little. “I… uh… don’t exactly have a lot of clothing, you know. Because of the whole… mostly-non-corporeal being thing.”

He’s dressed in his usual suit pants and white button down shirt, though he has lost the tie and jacket, which Taako supposes has to count for something.

“I can work with this,” Taako says, beckoning Kravitz over.

Kravitz steps around the table and approaches the sofa where he stops, looking down at Taako and assessing the situation. Taako for his part, swings his legs around, freeing up some space next to him.

“Have a seat my man, put your feet up, and I’ll fire up the entertainment so we can really get this chill ass party started.” Taako says with a grin and a waggle of his eyebrows, gesturing helpfully to the space formerly occupied by his legs. The gold bangles around his wrists jangle cheerfully.

Carefully, like he’s expecting Taako to change his mind and tell him to get the hell out at any second, Kravitz sits down. He does not put his feet up, though.

Taako’s grin widens. He plunges his hand into the crack between couch cushions and pulls out the wooden wand that lives there with the express purpose of controlling the scrying wall. Really, this is all fucking brilliant and Taako should definitely try to reverse engineer it, mass produce it, and sell it for as much gold as he can possibly get, but that sounds like _so much work_.

The scrying wall comes to life, filling the far wall with the sights and sounds of the Neverwinter Bowling Championships.

“So what’s your poison, hombre? I’m a Gnomes and Gardens TV kind of guy myself – those little guys really know how to decorate a place!” Taako says, as he begins flipping through the channels. He looks over at Kravitz who is staring back at him with a sort of poleaxed expression.

“You… you really just called me here to watch TV?” He asks.

Taako shrugs, “I said as much earlier, didn’t I?”

Rockport News, _click_ , Elven soap opera, _click_ , cooking show, _super duper get the hell out of here click_ , live broadcast of a battlewagon race from Goldcliff … _that’ll do for now_.

“But… but why?” Kravitz asks, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m more than happy to be here but… I sort of thought after last time… I’d blown my chance.” He trails off a little helplessly.

Taako sets down the wand and rotates back to look at Kravitz, who is sitting very stiffly on his half of the sofa, which just won’t do. This is supposed to be relaxing after all.

“Look, I get it, right, last time we met up there was some pretty fucked up shit going on-” He begins, waving his hand dismissively.

“Taako, you _died_ ,” Kravitz says, no longer sounding awkward at all. If anything, he actually sounds a little pissed off, “You died and I caught your soul in my hands and _stuffed it back into your body_ because something about you has completely sent me off the rails and made me lose any sort of perspective here. In all the time I’ve been doing this job I have _never_ stopped the natural order of anyone’s death.”

 _Besides yours,_ hangs in the air, unspoken, between them.

And _oh, shit_ , Taako thinks, they’re having _this_ conversation now. Not really how he wanted today to go, in fact not having conversations like this is kind of explicitly the reason that he called Kravitz in the first place, but now that this has started, it's something that he can exactly turn off. For a split second he thinks about blinking away. If this were anyone but Kravitz, he probably would, but as much as he _hates_ the idea of actually like... talking about this stuff? He really hates the idea of hurting Kravitz more. That's definitely something he's not gonna think too hard about for right now though.

Taako sighs, pulls his legs up onto the sofa and curls them underneath his body so that he can look at Kravitz without having to strain his neck.

“Well… yes. Okay. Yeah. I mean dying really wasn’t my plan there bucko, if that makes you feel any better,” He says.

“It really doesn’t,” Kravitz grits. His lips are curled back in just the barest hint of a snarl, white teeth standing out against his dusky skin. Taako notices a little distractedly that Kravitz’ canines are kind of like… extra long and sharp looking, and something warm squirms unhelpfully in his stomach.

“To be fair, we did talk about this. You know that I couldn’t promise then that I wouldn’t die again and I still can’t promise it now,” Taako gives a little shrug, “We live in dangerous times and all that, I’m afraid.”

Kravitz makes a noise of frustration, low in his throat. “Damn it, Taako. This is not how I intended for this to go. What is it about you that just turns everything to chaos?”

“Trust me my guy; if I knew, I’d tell you. I’ve been wondering that my whole life. I think it’s my like… aura or something.”

With a heavy sigh that is maybe partially a huff of desperate laughter, Kravitz scrubs a hand over his face, and leans back into the sofa. “I just… I don’t want to see you _only_ when you’re bleeding out.”

If Taako were a sappier wizard, he might have described the swooping sensation in his stomach as affection.

“Oh shit, wait is this why you haven’t called me since?” He asks, rising up onto his knees and shuffling gracelessly into Kravitz’ space.

Kravitz doesn’t pull back from Taako, but he does look down and to the side. “Partially… I... uh… I needed some time to think. And also, I mean… I did kind of lose my temper in a big way that day. Most people aren't too fond of that side of me.”

“True, true. It made for a good show though; you’re pretty fucking fierce when you’re all boned up,” Taako says, “but look. You are not the first extra-planar entity that has yelled at me and I’d bet my favorite boots that you won’t be the last.”

“So… you’re not mad?” Kravitz says, looking back at Taako with something that looks suspiciously like hope blooming in his glowing red eyes.

On the screen across the room, one of the battlewagons is launched into the air and a muted horn blast sounds. Neither of them so much as blinks.

“I mean like I’m not thrilled that you didn’t call me later. Gotta say that stung a little, but you _did_ save my life and like helped us kick some Litch ass, which was pretty rad. So it’s all good as far as I’m concerned.”

Kravitz lets out a sort of relieved chuckle. “I’m… I’m so glad. I didn’t know uh… what we were, you know? And I didn’t know if I should put more space between us or… ask for more. And then when I didn’t hear from you… I thought maybe I’d lost my chance.”

“Let me clarify something right now then, because miscommunication is fucking lame, and we’re both too good looking for things like that; I am down for _whatever_. You’re a tall drink of water, and let me tell you, I am thirsty.” Taako says with a cheery wink.

Kravitz _blushes_ , which is rather impressive seeing as how he’s like… technically dead? Or at least very much not alive. Taako’s not super clear on the particulars.

He finally turns in his seat a little, drawing his left leg up onto the sofa, where it brushes against Taako’s knees. He stretches out one of his big, elegant hands – hands that Taako had found himself slightly mesmerized by at their pottery class, and had definitely spnt a lot of time thinking about over the last few months – towards Taako’s face. He hesitates for a second so Taako wastes no time in leaning into the caress. He’s cold, as usual. Not like an ice cube or a corpse, but Kravitz just seems to be perpetually a few degrees below whatever the room temperature is. It’s strange, but not exactly unpleasant.

Kravitz’s fingers, emboldened by Taako’s encouragement glide along the edge of his jaw and slide back into the fall of his golden hair, gently cradling the back of his head.

“It’s been awhile since anyone showed interest in me like this. I’m not really sure what the protocols are for uh… relationships anymore,” Kravitz says, voice a low rumble in his broad chest.

Taako leans in towards him.

“I’d be willing to bet that it’s the same as it’s always been, my guy; whatever works,” He says, before he presses his lips against Kravitz’ mouth.

It’s funny, because leaning in to kiss him has pressed Taako’s chest right up into Kravitz’ and this gives him a front-row seat to the body language that he can no longer see because he’s sort of busy locking lips with the hottest guy he’s ever met.

At first Kravitz goes stiff as a board, but quickly he relaxes into the kiss and his body unclenches, uncoiling and shifting to draw Taako in towards him. Taako, for his part, goes willingly. He lets his body drape across Kravitz, swinging his legs around so that he’s straddling Kravitz, practically lying in his lap.

Kravitz’ lips are surprisingly soft and his mouth opens willingly to Taako’s eager tongue. Taako, for his part is completely delighted to discover that the Reaper’s teeth are, in fact, extra pointy. He’s definitely forming some really excellent plans involving Kravitz’ mouth and his neck. For now, though, he is satisfied to explore and taste, slow and easy, lazy, like they have all the time in the world, which, he supposes, one of them technically does.

Eventually, the need to breathe asserts itself forcefully enough that Taako can no longer ignore it and he pulls back a little, licking his lips. Kravitz is leaning back against his arm rest, looking star-struck and a little debauched, which is an A+ look for him, and he caresses Taako’s face reverently.

“So we’re both on the same page now, right? We’re like, doing this thing and it’s gonna be bomb.” Taako says with a shit-eating grin.

Kravitz huffs out another laugh, and pulls Taako back in again for another kiss. “Yes, Taako, I'm inclined to agree.”

A while later, they are curled up together on the loveseat, panting and sated – Taako now has multiple reasons to stop thinking of it as a sofa, first and foremost being that if it was a sofa, getting busy with his super hot, super chilly boyfriend would have been a hell of a lot easier, and second because he really does love a good dirty pun – wearing a lot less clothing.

Taako had just barely had the wherewithal to cast a couple of locking spells on the door before Kravitz had started biting at his neck in a way that turned his brain to useless mush, and thankfully no one had decided to call him or come looking for him either.

It turns out that Kravitz’ teeth feel amazing _everywhere_ and Taako is pretty sure he’s won some sort of insane lottery, when Kravitz drops to his knees and sucks a pattern of bruise on the inside of his fucking _thighs_. Taako himself has fun repaying the favor later, and watching Kravitz fight to keep his form solid while Taako does his very best to unravel his sanity is a sight that he’s basically going to tattoo on the back of his eyelids because it’s maybe the hottest thing he’s ever seen?

No, scratch that, _definitely_ the hottest. Taako is a big enough Elf to admit that he has a bit of a power play thing and Kravitz – the fucking Grim Reaper who will let Taako have anything he asks for – is a goddamn goldmine.

Normally Taako isn’t really one for dressing after sex (or sex adjacent stuff) but both the air and Kravitz are cool against his skin, so he steals Kravitz' button down shirt for warmth. At some point Kravitz, who apparently has more qualms about being naked in semi-public than Taako does, wriggles back into his pants, before rejoining his thoroughly satisfied lover on the loveseat once more, wrapping an arm around him and tugging Taako in close to his body. They doze, lazily, in contented silence, not quite sleeping, as neither one of them is particularly designed for that particular behavior, but just sort of drifting.

There are a series of horn blasts from the scrying wall and both of them start, turning to look just in time to see three battlewagons explode violently.

“Yikes. Talk about a mood-killer.” Taako says, slithering out of Kravitz’ hold to grab the wand off of the coffee table, and begins flipping channels, looking for something more suitable.

Kravitz laughs again, but this time it’s a deep, full sound that makes Taako feel tingly all over.

“You still want to watch TV?” He asks.

Taako lands fortuitously on the Gnome and Garden channel and sets the wand aside. A Gnome woman is critiquing a Halfling’s bedroom decor scheme and Taako is _all_ about it.

“Fuck yeah,” he says, “Look, when your life is one hellish nightmare after another, sometimes all you want is to chill out with your hot Grim Reaper boyfriend and watch some shitty TV, you know?”

As he settles back into Kravitz’ embrace Taako can feel him shaking his head slowly against his hair, but he places a kiss against his head and says, “If this makes you happy then I suppose I can make that happen for you.”

“You’re such a gross sap,” Taako says delightedly. “But you’re pretty nice to look at, so I guess I can forgive you just this once.”

Kravitz laughs again, arm tightening around Taako’s waist.

“How magnanimous of you,” he says.

“Mm, you know it babe; that's just how I do,” Taako says. He snuggles closer and grins a satisfied smile; the chill of Kravitz’ skin is slowly warming from contact with Taako’s body heat, and he’s never felt so relaxed.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, comments and kudos are both appreciated and definitely encourage me to write more! XOXO
> 
> (Also please feel free to come yell at me on [tumblr](http://commandercait.tumblr.com) about TAZ or DnD or w/e!)


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